Celebs on Twitter who write their tweets in exactly the same way they talk so you can’t help but read them in their voices: George Takei, David Spade, Andy Dick.
We’re coming up on April. Actually it’s already April here in FutureLand (aka New Zealand), but not in YesterdayLand (aka America), which is where Amazon’s KDP is based. Why is this important? Well, if you’re asking that question then clearly you’ve never heard of the BBoS, or Beige Bar of Sorrow/Shame/Sadness/Sadism.
You see, kids, throughout the month indie authors throughout the world flock to their account pages on KDP to check their OH MY GOODNESS I GOT ANOTHER SALE! I didn’t even plan that, I just had to check what the report is actually called and some amazing person bought Miya Black I. Oh, I’m all excited now. If only they’d waited until tomorrow.
Because you see, children, on the first of each month your Month-To-Date Unit Sales get reset to zero. And when that happens all of those lovely crisp figures on a beautiful background of white and grey are replaced with a horrible hulking biege bar. It’s this beige bar that says to you, as an indie author, “You haven’t sold anything this month, you haven’t sold anything. Also you smell and no one likes you.”
And lo a wave of depression doth spread over IndieLand (AKA … no, just IndieLand, it’s only a metaphorical place, it has no real world equivalent) as indie authors–or as they’re whimsically known, Indiediddles–do gaze upon the BBoS and think to themselves, “Bugger, how long is it going to last this month?”.
So spare a thought for those poor lost (slightly sweary) Indiediddles and their distressingly depressing Biege Bars of Sorrow, and consider making the first of the month the day upon which you buy an independently published book. You’ll be helping to fight the forces of evil, because every BBoS that exists in the world helps to power the Sadness Machines of the Sinister Six. You haven’t heard of the Sinister Six? Well then count yourself lucky. But their tale … is for another day.