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Angsty-Wangsty Self-Pitying Post About Getting No Sales And Feeling Sad About It; You Can Probably Skip This One

15 Mar

Still no inspiration re: promotional activity for the day. I did work a little on Against Darker Days, but to be completely honest my heart wasn’t in it–I just did some light editing and outlining.

Is it time for a little reflection? I think it might be time for a little reflection.

What am I doing wrong? Could I be doing more? It’s halfway through the month–today is literally the Ides of March–and I’ve made exactly two sales to people I don’t personally know. And those I feel like I cheated to get. I honestly don’t feel like I’ve made any ‘true’ sales this month at all.

I’m going to get a little ratty here for a moment. Don’t take this personally. Ignore me, actually. But to every person complaining of ‘only’ getting one sale per day, and I’ve seen a few recently; shut up. Shut up shut up shut UP. You are moving forward. Don’t be ungracious about that. You’re making those of us getting no sales at all feel bad.

BJK Factoid #13: Sometimes I get into one of my famous Black Moods and become a bit mean and unpleasant. Apologies.

It’s one of these vicious cycles; it’s difficult to keep being positive about your work when you’re not getting any external validation. Self-belief is hard to maintain in the face of that kind of void. This was probably a bad time to get the ‘finished first draft doldrums’. I’ll be okay in a little bit.

But still, those two questions–“What am I doing wrong?” and “Could I be doing more?”. They’ll eat at you. Probably the hardest thing is that the answers to these questions could very well be “Actually, nothing” and “Well, you’re working pretty hard already so maybe not?”.

No, no, no, this is no good. I’m doing no good to anyone wallowing in my own angst, least of all myself. I have to be positive about this; I have to frame this situation with the proper context. It’s not that no one wants to read my books. It’s that I have yet to find my audience. One in a thousand people WILL like my books. One in a million people will LOVE them. These numbers are as near to certain as you can get–there ARE people out there who will enjoy my work. The problem is simply that of finding them.

I’ve fallen into the trap of expecting too much too soon. This is only my second month of publishing, for goodness sake. I bet most indie authors don’t make any sales at all in their first two months. (Those who don’t do anything to expose their books to a wider audience, says my treacherous tiny voice; shut up, tiny voice, your opinion is most unwelcome.) I just have to forget about sales and keep moving forward, keep writing, keep doing what I can to expose myself and my books to as many people as possible, keep hoping that eventually people will take notice of me, keep hoping that I manage to track down that elusive audience.

Maybe part of it is that I haven’t got a ‘promotional activity’ for today, that was turning into a nice little habit and I was actually starting to enjoy it a little, even. I felt accomplished, I felt good about pushing myself into doing things that I really didn’t want to do–and then finding that they weren’t as bad as I’d thought they would be. I felt like I was starting to get the hang of things. And yet, no results–no, no, no, STOP that, BAD writer, BAD train of thought threatening to leave the station–I am NOT working towards ‘instant results’ here, this is a long term thing, every small thing I do every day is putting me further along the road to success.

Phew. I’m in a naturally negative headspace today, maybe it’s this grey weather outside–that certainly isn’t helping, anyway.

I need to do something positive and solid. I have no idea what that might be. Yes I do; I need to do is throw myself into a project. Gathering the enthusiasm for that is a little difficult right now, though.

I probably wouldn’t even publish this post, except that I want this journal to be an honest and accurate reflection of what I’m doing and how I’m feeling. Not every day is going to be good–pushing through the bad days despite feeling negative and down and a bit sad is part of it. Unpleasant, but necessary. I’ll just repeat my motto:

Just Keep Writing.

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Posted by on March 15, 2011 in Of Writing

 

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